Fans attending any "gala" opening or closing cermonies at future IPL tournaments agree that the organisers will not be liable for damage done by dangerously hovering fireworks, brain-numbing speeches, and one-hit wonders who can't even lip-sync properly.
May 25, 2009

Batsmen are not permitted to hit boundaries or sixes in Test matches, ODIs, or first-class games, so that Twenty20 will seem even more exciting by comparison, and Danny Morrison can continue fainting from excitement whenever the ball crosses the rope.
May 24, 2009

Anyone watching the IPL closing ceremony thereby promises not to smirk at the delightfully amusing sight of Akon, Eddy Grant and Sivamani performing on the same stage. At least, they promise not to do so while looking at the camera.
May 23, 2009

The IPL strictly forbids fans in South Africa from secretly wishing that the Indian government collapses soon, so that there will be fresh polls and the IPL will come to their country again next year.
May 22, 2009

The IPL holds all rights to the brand extension "Ear PL", and the use of images of Ajit Agarkar, Sairaj Bahutule and Gaurav Kapoor for its promotion in all media.
May 21, 2009

The IPL disciplinary committee will deal severely with anything that brings the IPL into disrepute - such as Brendon McCullum's show of dissent, Yuvraj Singh's outbursts, or Ramiz Raja's haircut.
May 20, 2009

Commentators who make the common mistake of referring to title sponsor DLF as "DFL" will have to undergo compulsory corrective training, by repeating chanting "WPUJC Vaas" until they get it right.
May 19, 2009

From next season, all players must compulsorily wear t-shirts with their nicknames displayed on the back, just so that everyone can snigger when Sreesanth walks by.
May 18, 2009

For next year's IPL, KKR will automatically be allowed to advance to the final, regardless of their performance - so that joke writers can continue to milk them for material until the tournament ends
May 17, 2009

The IPL marketing team is required to overhype and breathlessly promote every aspect of the tournament, except those that need to be kept away from the spotlight - such as match fixing allegations, low TRPs and Raj Kundra.
May 16, 2009