The Heavy Ball

Arthur in Ecuador asylum request
While rumours continue to swirl as to whether or not the Mickey Arthur compensation claim against Cricket Australia was leaked to the press intentionally, the sacked coach has reportedly added to the confusion by approaching the Ecuadorian embassy in London for asylum.

"We do not know why he has done this," said a statement from the embassy. "In fact, we do not know who this Mickey Arthur is, and would appreciate any leads in that regard."

"I am a cricket coach who has been wrongfully sacked," said Arthur helpfully, in a statement of his own read out by his lawyer. "And I have sensitive information that puts my safety at risk. For example, I can tell you now that Watson did in fact tell on Warner vis-a-vis the Joe Root punch. Also, I would like [Ecuadorian] President Rafael Correa to know that I felt like I was the meat in the sandwich between Watson and Clarke," he added. "I reiterate: I felt like I was the meat in the sandwich," the statement concluded.

Full post

Kohli relieved to be able to curse again

Also revealed, why Vettori turned down an NZC contract, and Australia's plans to sledge Root

R Rajkumar

08-Jul-2013

"I love the smell of green lip balm in the morning"
(by guest paragraphist Umar Akmal)
Ah, there's nothing like "getting-selected-for-national-duties-again-after-having-been-discarded-for-no-good-reason" season in Pakistan. It's a time of year quite unlike any other, one that we have grown accustomed to having punctuated by the sweet sound of ball meeting willow, the musical tinkle of a family member's bedroom window as it is stoned by irate fans, and what for me is a bit of a personal touch - the sweet, sweet smell of lizard-green lip balm in the morning: the distinctive pong wafting out of a freshly opened can awakens the senses; the act of spreading the cream across the skin evokes a martial aspect, as though one is preparing for war; and the green colouring that makes my gorgeous lips just pop from my face, doing justice to their fullness and shape.

Speaking of which, it gives me uncomfortably great pleasure in announcing that, as a special gesture to my fans, whose patience and faith I owe so much to, I will be giving away special imprints of my lips on paper in lieu of autographs all season long. Come get some, folks.

Pattinson prepares for revenge
James Pattinson wants to take revenge on England for the treatment meted out to his brother Darren years ago.

Full post

'I'm convinced I have the most problematic life!'

Have some sympathy for cricketers, who have to worry about dinner, sponsors, defining coincidences and finding greater meaning in logograms

Alex Bowden

04-Jul-2013

In this week's Twitter round-up, we answer all the most pressing questions. How do you know when you've eaten enough sushi? What did Ricky Ponting bring to the dressing room? What does an ampersand remind you of? And is Owais Shah numerate?

The observation
Jason Krejza has spotted something.

"Has anyone noticed that an ampersand looks like a guy bum dragging along the ground like dogs do? & #bumdrag"
@JK404

Full post

Warner critiques England's Ashes poem

Also: why Lehmann is cooler than Arthur, and why the Ashes are endangering Indian cows

R Rajkumar

01-Jul-2013

Warner offers up scathing critique of Ashes poem
A poem commissioned (written?) by the ECB to be published on the opening day of the Ashes to commemorate the series has received a damning review from Australian batsman and poetry scholar Dave Warner.

"This is doggerel, not poetry," said Warner, folding his arms across his argyle sweater vest and thoughtfully creasing his well-furrowed forehead. "Frankly speaking, the imagery is of the schoolboy variety, the rhyming is gratuitous and trite, and don't even get me started on the rhythm."

The Australian batsman, who teaches an advanced poetry course on Ancient Greek Poetry (seventh to fourth centuries BC) at the University of Western Australia when he isn't playing cricket, is notorious for being a hard taskmaster when it comes to respecting the rules and strictures of orthodox poetry.

Full post

A cure for South Africa's semi-final phobia

And how to catch your bookie's attention. Subtly. Our agony aunt has all the answers

Trish Plunket

30-Jun-2013

Do you think medical science will ever be able to find a cure for South Africa's semi-final phobia? asked Dr Have No Fear
I like science. Science works a billion per cent better at solving problems and explaining things than anything that isn't science.

However, there are still some things that science cannot solve. Teleportation. Ageing. Where the hell I put my car keys at any given time.

South Africa's inability to cope with semi-final pressure falls into this desperately unsolvable category. Their nigh-unparalleled ability to choke when the pressure gets on, in various amusing and mathematically incompetent ways, is something that can only be solved by the men themselves. They must have a dark night of the soul, trying to figure out what makes them stumble so hard at the last hurdle. This should be filmed as some kind of montage, with sad but ultimately inspiring music playing underneath, as the players wrestle with their inner demons.

Full post

Eight reasons why Australia will win the Ashes

It may all look fine and dandy for England at the moment, but don't be fooled

Alex Bowden

27-Jun-2013

These are challenging times for England cricket fans. For decades, we have prided ourselves on our pessimism and our ability to support the team in the face of repeated failures. However, as this summer's Ashes series approaches, we find ourselves in a situation where Australia appear in disarray and England are being spoken of as huge favourites by almost everyone who cares to pass comment, including by many Australians. How can we possibly hope to fulfil our role in this climate? It's times like this when you need to up your game. Let's accentuate the negatives.

Joe Root's due a poor score
I've covered the concept of being "due" a good score previously. It is - presumably - based on the premise that batsmen have a finite number of runs to apportion as they see fit. When a batsman is performing poorly, team-mates, coaches and the opposition will always talk of him being due a big innings.

The corollary of this is that a run of good scores is actually cause for concern because it indicates that the batsman in question has been frittering away his stock of runs carelessly. Joe Root is young and inexperienced and the early part of his international career has revealed that he is unfamiliar with the concept of setting aside runs for later. This is incredibly worrying.

Full post

1 2 3 4 5

Showing 11 - 20 of 536