Matt Cleary
I beat Kostya Tszyu
Or what it takes to defeat a champion boxer at cricket and win $20
Matt Cleary
07-Jan-2014
On a hot summer's afternoon in February of 2001, I had a hit of cricket with boxing world champion Kostya Tszyu. Earlier he'd towelled me up on the squash court (he was rather fit) so for revenge, and to double-or-nothin' the $20 I'd lost to him, I took him into the nets behind his gym in Rockdale in Sydney's south, inland from Botany Bay.
And there on a concrete slab surrounded by chain-link fence, we had a bet about who could dismiss each other the most in one six-ball over. I'm not sure Kostya completely understood the rules - or the point - of what we were doing, but affable fellow that he is, he nodded, called "heads" in his cool Russian Bond villain accent, and elected to bowl.
And so I stood there, padded up in all the kit - gloves, box, thigh guard - thumping my Gray-Nicolls twin scoop on the crease, preparing to face the light welterweight boxing champion of the world. Bring it, Tszyu, I muttered. What you got…
Full postWhich Englishmen can we hate?
It's the burning question of the day for all right-thinking Australians, but there are no easy answers
Matt Cleary
05-Dec-2013
Poms make the best villains. You want a sadist from space to take on Superman? You want an admiral to order the destruction of Alderaan? You want a general to send Aussie Diggers over the top while British troops sit on a beach drinking cups of tea? Get yourself an Evil Englishman.
These Dastardly Dicks twirl moustaches, speak in clipped, haughty tones, their faces drawn, their mouths a tight, malevolent line. And always with that superior attitude that says: I will destroy your home planet with the Death Star's superlaser if I see fit, see if I won't.
And now that England's here and happening in our Great Southern Land, it's time to work out who to hate. Early nominees - though it appeared to be a sort of media-driven thing rather than anything Joe Punter actually feels - include Stuart Broad, a dead-ringer for bad kid Draco in Harry Potter IX: Wizards Get Jobs, Health Insurance. And yes, there is potential there: fresh face, eyes of an evil imp, Ricky Schroder does Damien in The Omen.
Full postIs George Bailey a Test No. 6?
He has had a fine run in India, but swatting full tosses out of Nagpur is no indication of a batsman's ability to see off James Anderson's outswingers in Brisbane
Matt Cleary
02-Nov-2013
George Bailey? Good fellah. Perhaps even a top fellah: popular among the boys, technically a fine batsman, a standout leader of men. Without question Bailey is what Australians would call a "good bloke", and there is little higher compliment in the Australian lingua franca.
So good is he going that (if we are to believe the jibber-jabber hot from the popular presses) Bailey is Australia's next Test No. 6. And good luck to him. As stated: good bloke. Yet Bailey's credentials as a Test batsman are, as Marge Simpson would say: Hmmmmmm. His numbers in terms of Test cricket do not stack up.
I mean, good luck to him. He's a likeable man in a fine vein of form. In his last five innings he has scored 474 runs at 118.50. His strike rate in these games is also 118.50. In his international one-day career he has scored 1535 runs at 56.85, strike rate of 92.74. Truly fine numbers. And you aren't ratcheting them up unless you're seeing the ball like a golden orb of Satan. Something like it.
Full postLet's tonk for all our worth
Why pick bowlers, why have fielders, why grow grass on wickets? Let's give people what they want - a welter of runs
Matt Cleary
18-Oct-2013
And so to the slaughter at Sawai Mansingh Stadium the other night, in which both sets of batsmen flogged the bowlers as if they were unrepentant 18th-century horse thieves. In 93.3 overs of crazy-mad bludgeon, Australia scored 359 and India chased it down for the loss of one wicket. Entertaining? No doubt. A contest? It was not.
For while all this heavy-batted bashing was sort of interesting, and you can admire the timing and skill required to achieve such high-octane hammer, the game itself was not a contest in terms of bat against ball. It was an arms race in which batsmen bullied bowlers and bowlers were powerless to fight back. And one team of bullies were just better bullies than the other. It was a lot of things. But cricket it was not.
Not cricket?
Full postAustralia need to be Hussified
The Sheffield Shield needs to toughen up and national players must feature in it for at least two months before the Test season
Matt Cleary
05-Oct-2013
Yes, Michael Hussey, yes, yes, yes: The Sheffield Shield "should be hard and uncompromising, not a finishing school." And yes: "If you start playing youngsters who aren't quite good enough yet, it will lower the standards and intensity and make the jump to Test level so much bigger."
Not truer words spoken since Arnie told us he was comin' back.
Hussey, in his you-beaut new autobiography, unfortunately not called Wanton: The Michael Hussey Story, says we're all formed by our experiences and that it's wrong to get rid of guys in their late twenties and early thirties in favour of Youth for Youth's sake. He says he's living proof that you can make a Test debut at 30 and still have a long and storied career.
There was a time when Hussey's experience was the norm, when a man would debut in Australian Test cricket after a "career" playing domestic cricket. Players were forged over half a dozen years or more, playing consistent first-class cricket against first-class - and often Test - cricketers. And thus were Australian Test cricketers made.
Full postFifty overs suck
Especially when they are offered up as an afterthought. Why not give the 25-over two-innings format a shot?
Matt Cleary
21-Sep-2013
I have a dream…
Well, it's an idea. Actually it's more of a muse. I don't know what it is. But I've been thinking of ways to improve 50-over cricket, because, well, it sucks.
That's right, it sucks.
Full postMitch? Dunno
Miserable or magnificent - who knows which Mitchell Johnson will turn up on any given day?
Matt Cleary
13-Sep-2013
Mitchell Johnson? Who knows? Man can bowl super-fine spells in one-day cricket, have batsmen leaping like trout with chin-frighteners more dangerous than illegal drugs. There are super-searing toe-crushers, a stock outswinger to left-handers, and all at plenty-rapid pace. Mitchell Johnson can bowl, baby.
But in Test cricket? Across five, long Tests of a hot Ashes summer?
This Mitchell Johnson?
Full postHow Australia will prepare for the return Ashes
With lots and lots of limited-overs cricket. In India. Say what?
Matt Cleary
07-Sep-2013
Given England have now won three (Three! Count them damn you! Three!) straight Ashes series - two in England, one in Australia - and are looking fairly good to stick it to Australia again on home turf - Again! Damn you! - one would think Australia's cricket authorities would give the chosen Test XI the best possible preparation for a five-Test series and potentially 25 days of long-form cricket in Australia.
Instead they'll play one-dayers in India. Preparation for that will be T20s in India. Two and a half weeks after getting back from India, the first Test will be played in Brisbane.
Yes sirree, Bob Simpson! For three weeks from mid-September there's the Champions League T20 competition in India, featuring upwards of 20 Australian Test cricket aspirants. Straight after that Australia will play seven one-day internationals against India in India.
Full postAustralia's Ashes report card
Who failed, who passed, and who will make it to the squad for the home Ashes
Matt Cleary
30-Aug-2013
Ryan Harris Top of the class, our Rhino. He ran in hard and bent it about, and bowled quickly at the stumps - a thing that works. Didn't play in the first Test match because they worried about his wonky old body. And they were right to; the Rhino's been a crock. But fit and firing and running in, Harris is testing material. And if Australia has him and Pete Siddle and James Pattinson flinging leather at the Poms, it will be a scorching good summer of cricket.
Peter Siddle A lion-hearted wicket-taker who can play a few different roles for his captain. Let's hope curators juice up the wickets in Australia some and get five different but super-sporting decks for these guys and the Poms to give us Top Action. Pete Siddle? You are a ripper. Carry on.
James Pattinson A super and super-fast bowler. At just 23, has several seasons of skull-frightening ahead of him. Cricket Australia should now ban him from doing anything but getting fit and bowling in the nets and then in first-class matches. If he plays the one-dayers in India in October and breaks down, I will storm Cricket Australia headquarters and wave flaming pitchforks about, and yell things at them, quite loudly. See if I don't.
Full postSteve Smith? Who'da thunk it?
All of us who wrote him off when we heard he had been picked for the Ashes will now proceed to eat our hats
Matt Cleary
23-Aug-2013
Sure. The Oval pitch is flatter than a highway out of Adelaide. The Poms picked young Woakes instead of Frankenstein's unholy monster, Chris Tremlett. And they went with two spinners on a deck that hasn't spun, at least not a lot yet. And sure, it was a pretty bloody good toss to win.
But in the current climate of Australian cricket, when the top six have scored less than Warney in a particularly hard maths test, and the Ashes, again, what have we done, oh Lord Mr Lillee, remain with Ye Olde England for another few months at least, you take dual Test tons where you get 'em. And then you roll about in them like kids in warm autumn leaves and praise the batters like they've invented something amazing.
Amazing? How about that square-drive Steve Smith hit off Stuart Broad? What a shot. Sa-moked it. Leaned back a little, summed up the length, trusted his eye, freed his arms and fairly thrashed that bad boy flat along the ground and into the hoarding just behind point. Middle of the willow, baby. Thock. Top. Freakin'. Shot.
Full postTerms of Use|Privacy Policy|Your US State Privacy Rights|Children's Online Privacy Policy|Interest - Based Ads|Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information|Feedback
© 2024 ESPN Sports Media Ltd. All rights reserved