Tips for watchers

I have a small confession to make. Yesterday's match between the Deccan Chargers and the Mumbai Indians was the first IPL match I've watched in entirety from pre-match talk to post-match ceremonies. It was exhausting. I hadn't realised how much effort it takes to do nothing.

All last week I spent in Goa, watching cricket like a fugitive, thinking that the minute I returned to home base in Tam-Bram land, I would morph like an IPL idli on the couch and blast out the air-conditioning and the volume. But when the time came, I have to admit, without the occasional dips in the sea, it was a bit of a struggle. And worse, I was secretly relieved when the Chennai Super Kings match was rained off, because I didn't think I could tolerate another four hours of idli-like existence. (I know, I know, treason!)

But here's the question I have to ask: is it possible to watch the IPL without suffering from Attention Deficit Disorder? Is it possible to tolerate the insane amount of advertisements you're bombarded with, the crappy strategic time-out, and all the other time-wasting deployments, without diluting the quality of the game and your brain? I'm not entirely sure.

Perhaps it's just a question of practice. When I first started writing I had to train myself to sit in a chair for eight hours of the day. It's not easy. The instinct to go and lie on a bed is always very strong. And then there's that whole dancer-spine thing. I had to teach myself a lot about that too. Years and years of paying attention to the kundalini, the centre, the chi. Perhaps all that's needed is to unlearn those old habits. Chuck them out and learn new ones.

So, in an effort to be able to effortlessly watch eight straight hours of the IPL, here is my preliminary list of how to combat ADD blues:

Forget about sitting up straight. Go into full recline mode on the couch. There. That's right. Then balance both remote controls on belly so minimal hand movements need to be made to reach for the mute button.

Learn how to multitask. Keep a book at hand. Cormac McCarthy's No Country For Old Men isn't exactly IPL accompaniment reading, but that's what I'm halfway through, so it's positioned conveniently on the side table, within arm's reach. Read an average of 110 words at a stretch.

Keep well fed and watered. Make sure nutrition is readily available and can be brought in front of the TV during ad breaks. (Food consumed during the course of one IPL match: two cups tea, one slice banana bread, one mango, two dosas, four squares chocolate).

Exercise. Try doing an activity in the adjoining room, like unpacking a suitcase. Remove two items of clothing and put them away before running back to the couch. Keep doing this until the suitcase is empty or the match is over.

Alternatively, keep a medicine ball and a pair of weights in the TV room. Every time your foot falls asleep, shake it off, position yourself on the ball, do a couple of rounds of sit-ups or tricep stretches and then resume recline mode on the couch.

Catch up with friends. Not real conversation, mind, because that would involve talking. Stick to text messages. Have four or five conversations on the go. By the end of the match, what with the mute button and the mobile keypad, your fingers will have had a good workout and you'll be plugged into your world of friends.

Whatever you do, remove all internet-enabled laptops from the room. The temptation to check mail for the zillionth time will definitely lead you off the straight and narrow, and before you know it, you'll have to deal with a whole new kind of ADD.

And finally, try not to fall asleep on the couch. It will give you a crick in the neck.