Afghan hounding, and insults that aren't

Sachin Tendulkar: fading in the public eye © Getty Images

In affectionate remembrance of Sachin Tendulkar's career-long love-affair with the Indian public, which came to an end amid a chorus of boos from his home fans at the Wankhede Stadium in Mumbai. Tendulkar's week had started pretty well, with a pre-match presentation to commemorate his 132nd Test, the most ever played by an Indian cricketer. But after he had been dismissed for a tortuous 21-ball 1 on the second day of India's defeat, India's fickle fans were onto him like a flash, with abuse coming even from the stand named after the Little Master himself. "Such a thing happening to players like me is OK, but certainly not when this happens to someone like Sachin Tendulkar," said another Indian legend, Ajit Wadekar, who knows only too well how fleeting the public's affections can be. He led India to historic victories in West Indies and England in 1970-71, only to have his house burnt down after losing to England three years later.

Ring of fire England touring teams have an eclectic taste in music. Boney M was a recent tour favourite, while five years ago in Pakistan, the local journalists were bemused to hear the chant: "Who let the dogs out? Woof, woof, woof, woof!" emerging from the England dressing-room, with Duncan Fletcher to be found at the heart of the barking. But few tunes have captured the public imagination quite like Johnny Cash's classic, "Ring of fire", after it was revealed by Andrew Flintoff to have been the inspirational factor behind their capture of seven wickets in 16 overs on the final day at Mumbai. The fact that the song was an ironic reference to the after-effect of too many curries merely added to its appeal.

Too clever by half The euphoria that followed South Africa's remarkable triumph in that one-day match lasted precisely four days, thanks to a shameless attempt to neuter the one man who still grips the entire nation by the short and curlies - Shane Warne. Desperate to avoid being spun to defeat in the first Test at Cape Town, the Newlands groundstaff were instructed to prepare a seething greentop, and played straight into the hands of the debutant seamer, Stuart Clark, who took 9 for 89 in the match. On the eve of the second Test, Warne was straight back onto the mindgames. "If they want to juice it up and negate me, I'll take my 0 for 40, a win in three days and a couple of days of golf. I'll take it every time."

Afghan hounded Mike Gatting was dismissed for a duck as Afghanistan trounced the MCC by 171 runs in a memorable encounter in Bombay. For Gatting, who spends more time these days eating pies than facing them, it was just another day at the office. "I got a decent ball," he shrugged. "If you don't have practice you don't do as well as you should." For his 22-year-old vanquisher Hafti Gulabid, on the other hand, it was without doubt the proudest day of his life. "I am so happy," he said, after learning his game in the refugee camps of north-west Pakistan. "He's a senior player and I'm 22 - and he has probably been playing for longer than that."

Good timing award of the week goes to Reliance Communications Ventures Ltd, an Indian mobile phone company. On the very morning that Mahendra Singh Dhoni (aka Dhonut) was being universally lampooned for his performance in the Mumbai Test, Reliance decided the moment was right to unveil him as their new brand ambassador. ''There were a lot of commonalities between us and Dhoni," said a spokesman, "... such as reliability". If that's the case, then users can also look forward to ridiculous charges, spiralling costs and handsets that are as thick as a brick.

My dear old bastard Here's an imponderable for you - if a "dirty convict" shouts "Pommy bastard!" during this winter's Ashes series, or vice versa for that matter, will either party be guilty of racial abuse? James Sutherland, the chief executive of Cricket Australia, was initially guarded on the subject - in the aftermath of the genuine abuse that came the way of the South African team, he told a press conference in Melbourne that: "we need to be very sensitive." However, his colleague, Peter Young, later backtracked on the board's behalf. "To even talk about 'Pommy bastard' in the same breath trivialises the issue," he scoffed. "In Australia, bastard is used as a form of endearment."

Freddie the Page 3 star Love them or loathe them, tabloid exposure remains the best indication of any sport's popularity, but for Freddie Flintoff and his super-soaraway England team, this is being taken rather too literally by that most guttural of gutter-press dwellers, The Daily Star. "The girls in India are going crazy for Freddie and his amazing middle stump!" sniggered a column on that most hallowed of pages - Page 3 itself - after a "bevy of Brit beauties" in the Mumbai crowd were seen wearing T-shirts proclaiming "Freddie, we want your babies". I think Rachel might have something to say about that.

Flight of fancy The Indian cricket board is accused of having its head in the clouds at the best of times, but recent reports in the Hindustan Times suggest they are keen to cultivate that impression. They want to buy their own Jumbo Jet, to enable quick and convenient transfers from one outlandish venue to the next. The suggestion came after the teams were forced to charter a private jet between Nagpur and Mohali, and follows other ambitious plans from the BCCI, who also wish to launch their own TV channel and buy their own cricket-ball factory.

Quote-hanger "What on earth was Mahendra Dhoni doing? Answers on a postcard, please, because we still haven't figured it out" - Matthew Hoggard uses his column in The Times to express his bemusement at Dhoni's shot selection.